|
|
 In previous emails I have attempted to paint the a picture of my episodes for you all as vividly as I experience them. At times I often wonder is this really me doing this. |
 As a teen/young man I considered my self a thrill seeker, I road rollacoasters, drove very fast without a seatbelt, partied hard and lived fast. Nothing out of the norm. In saying that, I liken my rides in the back of these helocopters as a continuation of those earlier mentioned days. However, it is not a fun as it seemed to be when I was young. Maybe because when I was younger I felt invincible, I had my whole life ahead of me. |
 Now as a mature adult I have came to understand that I am not invincible and in the blink of an eye it can all be taken away. The main ingredient to those afor mentioned thrill seeking behaviors was control, my control over them. You see... I can get off of the rollercoaster, take my foot off the gas/put on my seatbelt, and put down the alcohol. I control all of those things and inturn I control the level of thrill. In the back of the Helocopter I control nothing, not the speed, altitude, pitch....nothing. |
 I control my patient in this environment and that is my mission to get him home ALIVE so that is my focus. But How do I focus when the world around me is moving at 200mph LITERALLY? How do I not think about the fact that we just got shot at by who knows, with who knows what? How do I concentrate when we are diving, thrashing, and for real no bull#%it flying sideways? The answer is I DONT KNOW! I think of all of these things after the fact most of the time because most of the time I have 10 other things to do but only enough time to do 1. So Im constantly busy, task oriented yet anticipating.....tunnel visioned but situationally aware. |
 Its a strange feeling, the easiest way to describe it is scared, but not in a self preservational way, its a calm/nervous feeling. But Im think not of myself but my patient and how they are feeling, what they are hearing, how can I keep them safe...that type of scared. I thought on this last particular flight "These motherf*%$ers are shooting real bullets!" I knew that all along but once they actually shoot at you it takes it to another level. |
 Riding in the back of a helocopter is fun. But picture me...in the back.....the doors open....going 200mph......the wind in my face so hard that it hurts (if you have ever held baby and lightly blew in their face...they make a face as if they cant catch their breath it looks so uncomfortable yet cute Im here to tell you that shit aint cute it is painful DONT EVER DO THAT TO A BABY AGAIN.... I KNOW I WONT!), traveling through a "light" sand storm. The sand cutting at your face and ears, the wind was so hard it blew out my damn earplug right out of my right ear(Im thinkin Great now Im gonna really be fu%$ing deaf), Im tryin to hold onto my weapon, a big ass oxygen tank, my bags, tryin to stop my glasses from blowing off my face......and oh yeah trying to keep right index finger in my ear so I dont loose my hearing! |
 And to my surprise I realize that one of my retraints(the one over my right shoulder) is not loose like I thought...... the damn thing is unhooked! Im looking down over the City of Baghdad as the pilot continues to bank hard to the right and tip the aircraft 90 degrees to my side....just to give me a better veiw of the Iraqis on the ground doing whatever it is Iraqis do. And just to let you guys know how twisted my mind is. Guess what thought pops into my head exactly at the moment of my impending doom?........My dumb ass is thinking...."Gosh this would be a great pic to email back to all my peeps at home" thats just me all day everday....cool, calm, and collected. What really kills me about the whole thing is Im fine with it all, just another days work. |
 I made it back safely, my patient is likely in Germany by now on his way to the U.S. And I will get up and do it all again tommorow.....the ends justify the means. But on the real just between us Im definately claiming PTSD when I get home....that should at least get me like an extra 25% in disability pay when I get out! LMAO....Can somebody email me the signs and symtoms so I can start practicing now? Thanks G$ |
|
|
|
